Escape from Mr. Lemoncello's Library

So as promised, I am forcing myself to join the 21st century and review contemporary children's literature too. After reading Escape from Mr. Lemoncello's Library by Chris Grabenstein, I am now ready to return to the 20th century. See ya folks!

What can I say about this book. It STINKS! I so wanted to like it. I really did! But it was such a struggle to read. I had to force myself to read the last few pages. It lacks imagination, the characters are completely one-dimensional, the dialogue is lame, the plot is boring, and there are so many book and pop culture references, if you took them all out the book would probably be 20 pages rather than 288. The puzzles themselves are not especially challenging and with the exception of the rebus puzzles there are no illustrations.

The plot is simple - Twelve children are locked in a library. Using tools of the library, they must solve a series of puzzles in order to find their way out. The prize is something ridiculous - the chance to star in commercials for Mr. Lemoncello's products. There don't seem to be any repercussions for not finding your way out except that you don't win the prize. It's not like they'll be stuck in the library for eternity.  And the stakes aren't high for anyone except Haley whose parents are broke. The library -with its holographs and robots - is more like something you'd find at a Disneyland knockoff.  Oh and it has giant video screens just like every other place on earth these days.

Oompa Loompas!

Escape from Mr. Lemoncello's Library was obviously inspired by the wonderful Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl, but that book was both kooky and creepy filled with interesting people, suspense, humor, pathos and a totally original story. It invented Oompa Loompas for goodness sakes! And you cared about Charlie and rooted for him unlike the bores wandering around that "library."

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory also stays with you. I still think about Charlie's poor grandparents - all four of them - crammed into one bed! Not sure why that stayed with me more than anything else but maybe its because I love sleeping....I can't imagine Lemoncello's Library having any staying power. It's just too unmemorable.

Why should we care or root for these characters when they are not fleshed out:
Kyle - supposedly the hero. He loves games, hates to read. Really nice and seems to have a hero complex. yawn.
Akimi - Kyle's best friend. Sarcastic. That's it. That is all I know about her. Oh wait - she's half Asian.
Miguel - smart. Loves libraries. Makes bad puns.  Again that's all I know about him.
Clarence - Rich, smarmy, manipulative. One of the bad kids. But at least he has more of a personality than the good kids.
Haley - popular girl who is smart but plays at being dumb to get what she wants. 'Atta girl! Also, her parents are broke.
Sierra - Shy, smart girl. Always has her head in a book.
Mr. Lemoncello - the wacky game inventor who loved libraries as a kid and wants everyone to love them. Although his library is so fantastical the last thing you would want to do there is read.

Examples of terrible dialogue
"Check it out, bro. I totally aced my essay, man!"

And here's a brilliant exchange between two characters.
"Yo, Whazzup?"
"Nothin.' Just, you know, working' the puzzle."
"Yeah. Us too."
"Okay. Later."
"Later."
And then they thump their fists on their chests. Sigh.

Trying to be kooky
Putting Lemoncello in shoes that look like bananas and squeak songs does not a kooky character make. When he speaks he often does say something kooky but then you realize he is merely quoting from an actual iconic kooky book.

Does it have any redeeming qualities?
Yes. It makes you want to run out and read the books it references and put this one out of your mind forever.
Ok, it does encourage teamwork which is of course a good thing.

Supposedly Escape from Mr. Lemoncello's Library is more of a book for people who don't like to read but if you already like to read, this book might very well turn you off from reading. I think if you like solving puzzles and you don't care about silly things like character development or originality, you would like this book and unfortunately people do since it is a bestseller and has been optioned by Nickelodeon. Kill me now.

Even though I haven't finished my kooky scale, I can tell you that this book doesn't warrant a place on it anyway. It is too boring. Maybe I need a boring scale too.

Mr. Stinky 

Wait! I've got it! Books that just plain stink will now get Stinky the Stinkbug! So, thank you Escape from Mr. Lemoncello's Library for inspiring a new category. And let me tell you, you  stink up a storm!

The Witches of Worm

The Witches of Worm falls into the Creepy category. The star of the book is a mean, creepy, disturbed girl. Hmmm. I sense a theme in my posts. And guess what? The star of the book I'm writing is also mean!

As you can see (or probably not) by the seal on the front, this book was a 1973 Newberry Honor Book. Very much deserved.

It's written by my all time favorite writer of creepy children's books - Zilpha Keatley Snyder. Ya gotta love that name  -Zilpha!

The amazing illustrations are by Alton Raible. He illustrated other Zilpha novels as well. And may I say, the illustrations in this book are pretty terrifying. But that certainly did not stop my 9-year old self from reading the book back in the 70's. If you are under the age of 12 and don't like scary pictures, do not keep reading. If you are over 12 and don't like scary pictures, get over it and keep reading!

I reread this book shortly after I started writing my own novel and now that I'm looking at it again, I can see how much it influenced my own writing. It really stayed with me and definitely gave me the creepity creeps.

The Worm of the title is not a worm but a cat who looked like a worm when he was a kitten.  He may be possessed or possibly belonged to a witch - . Jessica - the little girl who found him - thinks so. Frankly, I think they are both possessed and deserve each other. 

What makes this book creepy?

• Uh, clearly the illustrations
• Demented Jessica - she's got issues. She tries to kill her neighbor for goodness sakes!
• Worm - I'm a cat lover but even I would think twice about welcoming him into my home. (Oh who are you kidding Yng,  you'd not only welcome him, you'd move in to the shed so there'd be more room for him and the rest of the cats in the house!)

The Cat made me do it!

Jessica hears Worm's voice in her head (I hear cat voices too and they say "FEED ME!)
telling her to do bad things (Hmmm. Not a bad idea......) like getting a former friend in trouble, destroying another former friend's trumpet, lying to her therapist, mom, nosy neighbor -basically everyone - and then of course there is the aforementioned attempted murder! Yikes! Perhaps it is the cat that needs therapy or JAIL!

This is Worm. A face only a witch could love

But Yng, you ask why would I want to read a book about such a horrible person? Good question! Because she has a crummy mother and no father and has psychological problems and possibly the devil resides inside her cat. This kid needs pity not scorn!

Oh yeah - please folks - do not let this STORY discourage you from wanting to adopt a cat. Cats rock!








If they were going to make The Witches of Worm into a movie, I would hightail it out to Los Angeles to audition my cat, Alex for the part of Worm.

Alex the Worm

This is Alex doing her best to look like a worm. I told her the cat only looked like a worm when it was a kitten, but she is very literal.

My boyfriend, Richard also recommends her for the part of Worm. He's been saying she's a witch's cat ever since he met her. Wait a minute - is he saying I'm a witch!!!




What I love most about The Witches of Worm is its AMBIGUITY. Is the cat possessed or is Jessica mentally disturbed or both? We never really know and that is just fine with me. I'm all about leaving things to your own imagination. Life is not black and white and I prefer that books and movies not be either.

On the Creepy Scale, I am giving the story a Grubby the Grub, but I am giving the pictures a Petey the Centipede! I leave you now with another creepy picture from the novel.

Sleep well, my pretties!!!!!!

The Swallow

I don't want to limit myself to only writing about books I loved as a kid in the 70s (tempting as it is) so here is a recommendations for a creepy novel written in in 2014 (although set in the 60s!).

The Swallow

The Swallow - a Canadian novel by Charis Cotter -is a gloomy story about two lonely girls, Polly and Rose. Polly loves ghost stories and thinks Rose is a ghost. Rose can actually see ghosts and sometimes wonders if she is one. Not too scary, but definitely creepy and well written. And I have to admit, I teared up at the end. I was disappointed that there were no illustrations. Anyone know why some children's books are illustrated and others not? Is it the writer's preference? Lack of funds? I find it very annoying when there are no pictures but then again it's worse if there are pictures and I hate them. I was never fond of the Harry Potter illustrations. Oh well, I guess that is what the imagination is for.





So what's creepy about it?

• Being able to see ghosts.Not something you want to put on your resume.
• Ghost at the breakfast table. Go get your own bagel, ghosty and stop eyeing mine!
• Not knowing whether you're dead or alive cause no one ever talks to you. Hmmm -sounds familiar. I need to stop working remotely.
• Angry little girl ghost who screams at Polly that she's dead. Uh - have you tried looking in the mirror, ghost girl? Talk about the pot calling the kettle....
• Rose looks exactly like the girl haunting her. Imagine being haunted by an angry ghost that looks like you. Yikes!

On the creepy scale I have to give this a Roland the Rolypoly. Congratulations Roland!

The Creepy Scale!

Ok, so I've been playing around with my Creepy Scale and I think I have got this figured out. Please let me know if you can't read the creepsters' names.

My boyfriend, Richard, still insists Grubby the Grub should be at least a 4 on the Creepy Scale. According to him, the grub has the head of a human. Well, I don't know what humans he's been hanging out with lately besides myself.....Wait! Am I a Grub head?

Well, yes I guess when I was little I was kind of grub like. But hopefully not anymore!

So here is my Creepy Scale. Each book I review will be given a ranking from this scale. Stay tuned for the Kooky scale. That is proving even more difficult!

The Creepy and The Kooky Scales

I have created a scale to rate books on how creepy or kooky they are. Today, I present you with my Creepy Scale. Since I have a massive fear when it comes to insects (related to a childhood trauma I'd rather not go into), I am using them to represent how creepy something is.

The ladybug is a 1 on the creepy scale because they are actually kind of cute but since they are an insect they still have a creepy factor.

The rolypoly also known as the pillbug or doodle bug is a 2 on the creepy scale. It is a bug I remember well from my childhood. I was never really afraid of these bugs, which would curl up into a little ball when you poked them, but if you analyze them, especially when they are upside down and wiggling their 50,000 legs all over the place then you can really creep yourself out. Some children even keep them as pets. That's just sad.

The grub is a 3 on the creepy scale. My boyfriend would put these at a 5 but he does a lot of gardening and has a personal grudge against them.

Number 4 on the creepy scale is the house centipede. Boy do I hate these monsters that I shared a basement apartment with in Chicago. And they didn't even pay rent! This is the kind of bug that gets so big it will send you screaming from a room. 

And here we have it folks. Number 5 of all time creepiest bugs! The potato bug! Now, I can't honestly say I've ever encountered one of these, but that's a good thing because i do not think I would have lived to tell the tale. If you can get through a book that is a 5 on the creepy factor scale you deserve a medal for bravery.

Stay tuned next time for my kooky factor scale!

Harriet the Spy

So I'm writing a book. I know. I know. Who isn't writing a book. Anyway, the book I'm writing is for kids, so I've been reading A LOT of children's books both new and old, creepy and kooky and if I'm lucky - both! Of course I had to revisit books from my own childhood like this one.

I'm sure I read Harriet the Spy as a kid but when I reread it recently the only thing that seemed at all familiar were the pictures which are so funny. The writer - Louise Fitzhugh - is also the illustrator.

This is Mrs. Golly -Harriet's nanny's mother. "She stood like a mountain. Her big ham hands dangling helplessly at her sides."

I highly recommend "Harriet the Spy" to both young and old. It is truly funny but also heartbreaking and kind of disturbing. I mean, Harriet can be a creepy, nasty little girl. She breaks into people's homes to spy on them and writes terrible things in her notebook about everyone! Don't misunderstand me. I like Harriet. She's awesome in the way she wants to know EVERYTHING and she is such an individual. But would I want to be friends with her? Maybe not. She is so bossy! And frankly, she's a Mean Girl albeit not a popular one. I sure wouldn't want to end up in her notebook. She'd probably rip me to shreds like she did this poor kid:

This is Rachel. If Harriet had a club she wouldn't let her in.

Come to think of it, I did have a friend in 6th grade kind of like Harriet. Her name was Claudia and before we became friends, she'd make fun of me for walking around with my nose in the air. To be fair, I did walk around with my nose in the air but that was because I was trying to keep my hair out of my face. Clearly I never heard of barrettes. Finally, one day my head was so high, I tripped right over her. We became friends shortly thereafter. She wrote in my yearbook, "Keep your head down, before you kill someone."

Back to the book. I do not need my protagonists to be particularly likable. They just have to be interesting and Harriet certainly is. Despite her faults, you will ultimately root for her. She just needs to figure out how to use her powers for good not evil!

Why you should like Harriet M. Welsch

• She's smart although bad at math
• Not a girly girl
• Questions authority
• Fearless
• Observant
• Sure she can be mean, but weren't we all kind of mean when we were kids? Some of us still are....

I Laughed out Loud

• Harriet is a fiend for tomato sandwiches. She refuses to eat anything else for lunch. This has been going on for five years.
• Harriet has a very antagonistic relationship with the surly cook who she is constantly annoying and running into. 
• Pinky Whitehead - enough said!
• Harriet spies on a couple that buy ugly, expensive stuff for their house and specifically invite people over to admire it. Other than that, they just sit around all day like lumps.

Harriet the Onion

Harriet has to be an onion in the school holiday play. (I had it worse. I had to be a piece of tissue paper in my school play.)













My Jaw Dropped

• Harriet throws a shoe. At her father! Hits him right in the head.
• Harriet writes for the school paper and she writes about a fellow student's father being "stoned out of his mind at a party" and about a teacher living in a rat hole. And they published it! Harriet's future career - Tabloid Writer.

This book is Old! More than 50 Years! But is it Dated?

• Harriet wanders the upper west side of NYC all by herself. She's 11!
• Children actually play outside and I'm not talking soccer.
• Parents don't micromanage their children's lives. Although Harriet's and her friend Janie's mothers do try to get them to go to dancing school. This of course horrifies them. 
• Harriet's best friend, Janie wants to blow up her school. In the 60s that was probably funny. If only it still was.

In many ways, Harriet the Spy hasn't really dated at all. At the time it was published - the 1960s - it was considered groundbreaking. There are the obvious technological differences of that era - no cell phones, computers/internet, video games but Harriet's problems are timeless. It you are a bit of a misfit or outsider, you will definitely relate to Harriet.


Funny things Harriet writes about people in her notebook

• "I wouldn't like to have a dumb mother. It must make you feel very unpopular."
• "I would like to write a story about Mrs Golly getting run over by a truck except she's so fat I wonder what would happen to the truck. I better check on that."
• Harriet wrote this regarding Pinky Whitehead, "Does his mother hate him? If I had him I'd hate him."
• "If Marion Hawthorne doesn't watch out, she's going to grow up into a Lady Hitler."
• About her teacher, "I think Miss Elston is one of those people you don't bother to think about twice."

Ole Golly's ( Harriet's Nanny) Words of Wisdom

• "It won't do you a bit of good to know everything if you don't do anything with it."
• "Find out everything you can cause life is hard enough even if you know a lot."
• "Rich people are boring."

I was excited to realize that Harriet actually lives very close to my sister in Manhattan. Unfortunately, I only realized this as I was on my way home on the train.

Next time I visit, I want to visit some of Harriet's haunts. Although the book was written in the 60s, some of these places do still survive. Don't they?










Harriet the Spy was made into a movie in the 90s, but I really wish they had made Harriet the Spy into a movie back in the 70's when I was a kid. I can think of two people who would have been perfect for the part of Harriet:

.

Jodie Foster

Visualize her with glasses. Am I right?

                Cousin Oliver

I know he's a boy but still!











One thing to note about Harriet the Spy -despite the humor, this is not a feel good book. It actually gets kind of depressing in Book Two.  But don't let that discourage you from reading this fine novel. Life can't be all fun and games!

There are two sequels to Harriet the Spy - The Long Secret and Sport. Unfortunately, Louise Fitzhugh died very young of cancer and so did not write many books. Another contemporary writer has taken over writing the Harriet books. I have not read them so cannot comment on these. I am a little curious though. There also was a Canadian made TV movie called Harriet the Spy: Blog Wars in 2010. Based on the reviews, I'd stick with the original book.